


The Mess We've Made

by ToWriteFanfictionOnHerLaptop



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alcohol, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Lies, M/M, Party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-07 16:44:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 14,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1906371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToWriteFanfictionOnHerLaptop/pseuds/ToWriteFanfictionOnHerLaptop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo was good at fixing things and well, that was his life. Whether it was tweaking the engine or just tinkering with a few nuts and bolts, his hands were always at work. Many People thought that Nico was unfixable but not Leo. I have no idea when it's set but hope you like it :D T just to be safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Leo was good at fixing things and well, that was his life. Whether it was tweaking the engine or just tinkering with a few nuts and bolts, his hands were always at work. It was like he could sense if something was broken. Leo always had a feeling that something could be fixed. Or if it wasn’t broken, then at least improved. Leo knew he couldn’t fix everything in the world but he could try. Leo had a feeling that he couldn’t fix him no matter how much he wanted too. But to Leo, nothing is unfixable.

Nico was unfixable. All he ever did, or so he thought, was make a mess of everything. It always seemed to be him that would break things on the ship. And whenever he did, a muttered, “sorry” would slip from his lips and that would be that. Nico knew that he would add it to the list of reasons why he shouldn’t be on the ship. Even though no-one said it, he knew he shouldn’t have been there. “no-one would care to listen anyways” Nico thought. And that was that, Nico seemed to be unfixable.

 

Chapter 1

It was another day on the Argo II for the Son of Hades, Nico Di Angelo. There was nothing really special about it because he did the same thing he always did. Just wander around the ship and wait to be of some use to the Seven. Every day, Nico wandered past Leo’s room and today was no exception. But today, Nico paused at the door to find it slightly ajar. His curiosity got the better of him and he peered inside of his ‘friends’ room. He saw Leo hunched over his workbench with nuts, bolts and springs skewed in every direction. He could hear faint muttering although Nico didn’t recognise the words.

“Spanish, of course.” Nico whispered

Nico, suddenly aware that he made his presence obvious, hid from Leo’s sight. After a few seconds, he re-appeared at the door and resumed his gaze on the tinkerer. It was evident that Leo was frustrated with his work.

“Why don’t you just- Seriously? You are meant to fit together!” Leo grumbled rather loudly.

A slight smirk crept onto Nico’s face due to the tinkerer’s frustration. But, it soon faded. Leo pushed himself away from his workbench and threw his nuts and bolts and screws in every direction.  He kicked his worktable in anger and put his head in his hands,

“Why” his voice cracked,” Why can’t I do anything right?”

Nico dared to open the door a little more and then he stepped inside.

“I think” he said quietly. Nico cleared his throat and continued. “That you can do um stuff right”

Leo turned around to find the Son of Hades standing at his door.

“Nico what-“

“No it’s um nothing. I-I shouldn’t have come.” Nico stammered.

Nico backed out of Leo’s room and ran down the hall. He kept running. And to Nico, that was that.


	2. Chapter 2

Leo wasn’t having the best of days. Writers get writers block so Leo got what he called ‘Inventers block’. Nothing he tried seemed to work. It was around noon when Leo began to mess with his screws and springs again. He began muttering in Spanish because he couldn’t get the pieces to fit together. He always spoke Spanish when he got frustrated. Leo didn’t mean too but it just happened.  He didn’t understand why they wouldn’t fit. That’s when he heard the noise, a faint whisper coming from his door. Leo usually kept his door closed but he must have forgot today. He swiftly turned around to see what the noise was but so his surprise, no-one was there Leo became vaguely aware of a slight chill in his room.

“Maybe Nico is walking around again” he thought. He had always thought that the Son of Hades was a little strange but no-one ever said anything. Leo went back to his work. It was only a few minutes until the frustration set in again. “Why don’t you just- Seriously? You are meant to fit together!” Leo grumbled rather loudly.

Leo had had enough. He was a son of Hephaestus and yet he couldn’t even fix a few pieces of metal together. Leo could feel tears begin to prick his eyes but he held the back. He got up and kicked his work table sending the little progress he had made crashing to the floor.

“Why” his voice cracked,” Why can’t I do anything right?” Leo said trying not to cry.

Leo heard a quiet voice coming from behind him

“I think” the voice said quietly, Leo heard a cough and then they continued, “That you can do, um, stuff right”

Leo turned around to see the Son of hades standing at his door. Why was he here?

“Nico what-“Leo began before he was interrupted.

“No it’s um nothing. I-I shouldn’t have come.” Nico stammered.

Nico backed out of Leo’s room and ran down the hall.

“Nico wait” Leo shouted running after him. “Nico I want to talk”

The son of Hades stopped running and turned back around to face the tinkerer. Leo could only focus on how fast Nico’s breathing was and suddenly he seemed too close. Leo took a step back and tried to think about what to say to him.

After a few seconds, Leo began to speak.

“Do you really think that I’m good at things?” He said doubtingly

“Well yeah obviously” Nico said, “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t think it. I mean… Look Leo I just” Nico sighed.

He couldn’t believe he was going to do this. Nico leaned forwards and pressed a quick kiss on Leo’s lips. Although the contact was short, he could tell that Leo’s lips were warm. After the kiss Leo’s mind was spinning

“Leo I-“Nico began

“How about, we talk about it after we have a little date. Meet me on the deck at midnight. Ok ghost boy.” Leo said confidently. He winked at the other boy and strolled back to his cabin with a wide grin on his face. He couldn’t wait for his date with Nico. But, what was he going to wear?


	3. Chapter 3

Nico stood there barely being able to breathe. He couldn’t believe that that had just happened. He had kissed Leo Valdez. He had a date with Leo Valdez. Nico ran down the hall to the only person who he knew would help.

“Piper! Piper!” He shouted hoping that the daughter of Aphrodite would hear him. He heard footsteps coming from the opposite direction. When Nico turned around, the girl he was looking for was there

“Nico, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” Piper said

“Need... help…got…date” Nico panted breathlessly.

Piper was taken aback for a second. “You have a date?! Not that I’m surprised but who is she?” she said

“It’s Leo” Nico mumbled

“What did you say? You need to stop mumbling”

“It’s Leo” Nico said louder

“Oh. Well don’t worry, I’ll teach you about the art of dating.” Piper said with a laugh, “Come on”

Piper dragged Nico around the halls to her room.

“Sit” Piper said when they entered her room. “As far as I’m concerned there are 6 rules to a perfect date. The first is dress to impress but stay comfortable. The worst thing you can do is over or under dress. That shows that you either care too much or don’t care enough. Don’t worry I’ll help you choose an outfit. Rule two is arrive on time, don’t be too late. Rule three, keep the conversation light. Don’t go into political debates. Keep it funny, tell jokes and stuff. Fifth rule enjoy the date and be yourself. Make sure you keep your date upbeat but don’t put on a mask that’s the worst thing you can do. Finally, if you don’t know what to say, listen to what they are saying which I’ll think you’ll be good at. Have you got all of that?” Piper concluded “Yes, I think” Nico said nervously.

“But, what if I mess everything up? What if he doesn’t like me or-“

“You won’t. Trust me” Piper said reassuringly.

“Ok. Now just have to wait until midnight so four hours I think” Nico said

“Good luck” Piper said with a warm smile. Nico left Piper’s room to wander around the halls and wait until his midnight date.

* * *

4 hours later

* * *

It was midnight and Leo was waiting on the deck of the Argo II. It was cold but Leo didn’t mind. He checked his watch again. It was Midnight exactly when Leo heard footsteps in the distance. He turned to see a certain Son of Hades standing in his usual attire. Leo give Nico a small smile. Leo took a few more steps closer to Nico. Time seemed to slow for both boys until they were face to face and their noses touched. Leo leaned in ever so slightly until his lips touched Nico’s. His lips were cold yet smooth and although their lips only touched for a second, it felt like a bolt of electricity flowed through Leo’s body.

“I like your outfit” Leo said with a small laugh.

“Thanks” Nico said.

Leo wasn’t sure but it seemed like Nico had a small smile on his face. Leo heard a cough behind him. Both boys quickly turned to see what the noise was.

“Was I interrupting something?” Said Percy


	4. Chapter 4

Leo saw Nico suddenly step away from him as if he was dangerous.

“On no, nothing is going on here.” Nico said shakily. It was almost as if he was scared. Leo’s eyes flit from Percy to Nico and back again. He was confused and yet that was an understatement. Nico was hiding something.

“Nico, what’s going on?” Leo said, fearing the answer.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Nothing at all.”

“Nico I’m not stupid, something is going on between you two and you’re not telling me. Please just tell me.” Leo pleaded.

Nico took a shaky breath before spoke.

“I used to…like Percy” The son of Hades confessed.

Leo turned to Percy. There was a fire in his eyes like Percy had never seen before. It wasn’t anger yet it wasn’t fear. It was like a mixture of both.

“Did you know?” Leo questioned

 Percy looked away for a second and then he answered,

“Yeah I knew.”

Leo looked to the floor. Why had he never told him? Why did he feel the need to hide this? Unless…No. But, it made sense.

“Why did you never tell me?” Leo demanded. Tears were threatening to fall down his cheeks but he held them back.

Nico shrugged refusing to make eye contact with the Son of Hephaestus.

“I knew it.” Leo said, his voice shaking, “You still like him don’t you?”

Nico looked up with a shocked look on his face.

“No. NO! I don’t. This is why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to get like this. Please believe me Leo please. I-“

“No!” Leo shouted “It’s too late for that. It’s too late for you to plead to me. I trusted you. I thought you- I thought I had a chance. Just one fucking chance for someone to love me. But then again what do I know about love because everyone I’ve ever loved is dead! I thought I could have loved you too but obviously there is no point now. Is there?” Tears had made their way to Leo’s cheeks.

Leo barged his way past Percy and ran to his room. He locked the door before resting against it. He slid down and hugged his knees trying to stop the tears. He heard his name being faintly called from down the hall. It got louder and louder before he heard three knocks on his door.

“Leo, please come out.” He heard Nico say quietly.

“Piss off Nico” Leo called out.

Nico rested his head against the door.

“I love you” he whispered.

Every day for the next week, Nico waited outside Leo’s door. Every day, Leo would tell Nico to go away. Every day, Piper would walk to his door with a meal. She would knock and say it was her. And every day, Nico would have to watch Leo unlock and open the door enough so that he could just see his face. And that’s what hurt the most. His eyes would always be puffy from crying and he would barely whisper a thank you to Piper and then he would close and lock the door. And then everyday Nico would sit outside just thinking of the right words to say. After that week, Nico had had enough. He needed to see him.

He knocked on the door three times.

“Leo please I know you’re in there so you have to listen to me. I love you so much. I love the way you smile and when you tinker with things. And how you speak Spanish when you get frustrated. I love everything about you. I don’t know much about loving someone either and I’m still learning to love. But I know that seeing you like that every single fucking day killed me. I wanted to run to you and hug you and tell you I’m sorry a million times. And I’m so sorry that I couldn’t get to you before you closed that door. But I’m here now Leo. I’m right out here for you, just let me in. Leo please I’m begging you. Leo please just say something!”

Nico heard a slight knock on the door.

“I love you too” He heard faintly through the door.

Leo unlocked the door and slowly opened it. He ran the short distance to Nico and wrapped his arms around him and dug his face into his shoulder.

“I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry too”

 


	5. Chapter 5

The bitter nothingness where fear grows. It feeds off your anxiety. There was barely enough light to see your own hand in front of your face. But he could see him. The boy stood there with his shoulders slumped as if standing was an effort. Tear tracks lined his cheeks. The black curls of his hair draped over his eyes. His clothes were torn, dirty and bloody. He wanted to know what had happened here. Nico took a step towards the boy. The older boy’s head snapped up and he opened his eyes. Instead of the warm brown that comforted him, there was darkness. Then he spoke, his voice raspy and deep.

“How could you think I loved you? You’re so fucked up even the gods couldn’t fix you.” He laughed. “You’re nothing. So insignificant that is you disappeared, no-one would care to think where you’d gone. It’s almost funny.”

“But Leo”

“Enough. It’s time for my fun.”

Leo opened his mouth and out came a high pitched scream that brought Nico to his knees. Then there came the monsters. Each one more horrifying and deadly than the next. They began gnawing and biting and scratching at every piece of Nico’s exposed flesh. As his eyes closed in defeat, he heard that voice calling his name.

“Nico! Nico!”

Nico woke with a scream. His back was sticky with sweat and his face wet with his tears. He looked around his dark room for any signs of his nightmare but there was only the sound of his heavy breath. Nico laid his head back on his pillow and closed his eyes ready to slip back into the darkness again.

* * *

 

Leo woke up with a jolt. A grin spread across his face. Leo bounded out of bed still in his pyjamas and ran to Nico’s room. He opened the door and jumped on the younger boy’s bed.

“Nico Nicoo! Guess what?”

Nico stirred slightly but didn’t wake up. Leo leaned in closer and lifted up Nico’s eyelid.

“Nicoo” He whispered mischievously. Nico opened his eyes and slightly smiled.

“What in Zeus’s name do you want Leo?” Nico said slowly. His voice was thick with sleep. “I was sleeping”

Leo climbed over Nico and slipped under his covers.

“It’s my birthday.” He whispered into Nico’s ear.

“Happy birthday you ass basket.”

“Did you just call me an ass basket?”

“Yes.”

“Well ok then” Leo kissed Nico on the cheek. “See you later, there’s going to be a lil party on the deck tonight.”

“Thanks Leo.” Nico said his eyes already closing again, “I love you” He yawned.

“I love you too” Leo said softly before leaving his room with a subtle smile etched on his face.

* * *

 

“Happy Birthday to You.

Happy Birthday to You.

 Happy Birthday to Dear Leo,

Happy Birthday to You”

The entire crew of the Argo II sung. It was out of tune and predicable but it still made Leo smile as he sat in a chair with a cake at his makeshift birthday party. Everyone clapped and he blew out the candles on the cake.

“So Leo I got this for you” Jason said with a wink.

Leo unwrapped the crappily wrapped present to reveal a bottle of Vodka.

“Are you freaking kidding me?” Leo said in disbelief.

“Yeah well I know we’re on this quest and stuff but we can still act like normal teenagers and as far as I’m concerned we should all get a little bit drunk before we have to save the world again.” Percy said giving Jason a small nudge and a wink.

Annabeth shook her head and looked at Percy with a disapproving look.

“You boys can be idiots sometimes.”

“Thanks you” Leo ran up to them and gave them both hugs.

“So” Leo said with a smile, “Who’s ready to get pissed?”


	6. Chapter 6

“I think” Leo slurred drunk, “We should play spin tha bottle.”

Everyone on the Argo II had had some of the Vodka except Annabeth, Jason and Hazel. Leo skipped around the deck merrily dragging his friends into a makeshift circle. He picked up the now empty bottle and placed it flat on the floor.

“Now!” Leo shouted happily. “The rules are Truth or Dare. No answer, take off an item of clothing. Got it? Letsss go.” Leo smiled and placed his hand on the bottle. With a flick of his wrist, the bottle went spinning in the centre of the circle. After several seconds, the bottle pointed towards Frank.

“Ssoo Franky boyy, Truth or Dare.”

“Truth”

Leo let out a small giggle. He placed is hand on his cheek in an over exaggerated thinking position.

“Oh I know. Have you and Hazel ya knowww?”

Frank looked towards Hazel as if to ask her if he should tell the group. Hazel was trying to fan herself with her hand at the suggestive question.

Frank shook his head before quickly grabbing the bottle and spinning it to spare his girlfriend further embarrassment. The bottle landed on Piper.

“Truth or dare Pipes.”

Piper was looking around the room as if she was trying to figure something out. Jason nudged her to get her attention.

“Oh what. Dareee.” Piper shouted loudly. Out of all of the Seven, She and Nico had drunk the most.  Leo dared them both to have a drinking contest and since neither of them gave up, the half bottle of vodka was soon split between them.

“I dare you to dance around the room.”

Piper scoffed at this dare and quickly got herself to a standing position. Her legs shook while she danced. She slipped a few times but tried to make it look like she meant to fall over. The others had to stop themselves from laughing. By the time she made it back to her place in the circle, Jason was smiling at her attempt to dance.

“That was fun.” Piper yawned. “What time is it?” She asked Jason before clumsily crossing her legs. Jason shrugged his shoulders and put his arm around Piper. She rested her head on his shoulder and within a minute, she was asleep.

“I better get her back to her room, you guys play on I’ll be back in a minute.” Jason hooked his arm underneath Piper’s legs and disappeared below deck.

“I guess I’ll spin the bottle” Percy said

He spun the bottle and it landed on Nico. He blushed slightly and looked away as if he faintly remembered the night he almost lost Leo.

“Truth or dare” Percy said, a slight slur in his voice.

“Um Truth”

“Do you love anyone?”

“Yessssssss” Nico exclaimed loudly.

“What?” Hazel said “Who is it? Who is she?”

Nico stumbled over to the opposite side of the room and plopped himself on Leo’s lap. He then wrapped his arms around Leo’s head and pressed his cheek to his cheek.

“This sexy lil bastard and he’s aaaaall mine.”

“Nico I think it’s time that you um, went to bed C’mon.”

“Ok loveeer boyy”

Leo was blushing furiously when he dragged Nico to his room.

“What the hell Nico? You don’t need to broadcast it to the whole fucking world.”

Nico looked hurt as he silently crossed over to the other side of the room to go to his bed.

“Nico I’m sorry ok.”

Leo wrapped his arms around Nico to say sorry. Nico leaned in for a kiss which Leo gladly accepted. It wasn’t long before their clothes were flung across the floor and their love was evident from the noises that could be heard across the whole ship and the whispered “I love you’s” as they made love.


	7. Chapter 7- Little Talks

**Leo P.O.V**

I woke with a pain in my head and memories of last night a fuzzy blur of Alcohol and laughter. I searched the room unaware of why I was waking up to such unfamiliar scenery. I felt a strange chill only to realise I was completely naked. All of a sudden, blurry images rushed through my head. Spin the bottle, Nico’s room, the kiss. Nico. The realisation of what happened hit me like a tonne of bricks and soon it felt like I was struggling for breath. I had used him when he was drunk. Oh god what had I done? My cheeks burned red with shame. I quickly got dressed and left his room before returning to my own pretending that last night never happened.

***********************1 hour later************************

I walked to the main room of the Argo II where we usually eat breakfast. The bright light shone through the large windows and cast shadows on my friends as they got on with their lives. Piper and Jason were sat together talking about last night while she complained slightly about how we had no aspirin on the ship. Frank and Hazel also sat together. Being the two who had the least alcohol, they were chatting quietly and every few seconds, Hazel would place her hand over her mouth slightly to contain a small laugh. Percy and Annabeth were making breakfast for everyone since no-one else had volunteered to. At one point Percy almost set fire to the food to which Annabeth scolded him and told him to make the eggs which he couldn’t possibly burn. The 4 empty seats at the table seemed to be lonely at the absence of contact. I quietly walked over to one of the chairs and placed my head in my hands before a cup of strong coffee was laid in front of me.

“Hey” Percy Said

“Hi” I said meekly “I thought you were making breakfast”

“Well, I burned the eggs. Annabeth said I was a seaweed brain and that I should ask what was up with you. You were kind of stood at the door staring at everyone so I got you coffee. Looked like you need it.” Percy said, an almost cheerful tone in his voice.

I shrugged and took a small sip of the bitter coffee

“Rough night huh?”

I laughed slightly “You have no idea”

“Well ever need help, I’m here to talk. But you’re probably better talking to Piper as soon as she recovers from last night”

“Thanks Percy. Means a lot” I said while taking another sip of my coffee trying to rid my mind of a certain boy.

**Nico P.O.V**

I woke with a pain in my head and memories of last night a fuzzy blur of Alcohol and laughter. I looked at the floor strangely to wonder why my clothes were skewed across the floor and why some on them had small singe marks. All of a sudden, blurry images rushed through my head. The drinking contest. Leo. Spin the bottle. Leo. A kiss. Leo. The whispered “I love you’s. Leo.

I bolted up and desperately searched the room for the warmth that I felt last night.

“Leo” I whispered. “You in here” The only response I got was the silence of the room. I laid my head back down on my pillow and tried to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

***********************1 hour later************************

I walked into the breakfast room to find it nearly deserted as everyone had eaten the food and had clearly left to complete more important jobs. The eerie silence was shattered by the faint sound of a cup being placed on the table. I looked towards the direction of the noise to see him. He had his head on his hands before be pushed himself of the table and he dragged his feet across the wooden floor to go to kitchen I assumed to make himself more coffee.

I followed him silently to the kitchen in search of answers. I cleared my throat before I spoke.

“Leo?”

The boy continued to pour his coffee as if he was unaware of my presence. I took a step closer to him trying to close the distance he had set in motion.

“Leo please talk to me.”

I heard a faint mutter come from him before he turned to walk out of the kitchen but I blocked his path.

“What was that? I didn’t hear you.”

“It would be best if we forgot about last night and didn’t see each other anymore.” He said faintly

“Why?”

“Because” He sighed, “I…Don’t really love you. I made it up because I felt sorry for you.” He croaked as if his throat was dry.

I looked at the ground and then crumpled to my knees. I felt his presence leave the room. I laid there until I fell asleep with a voice calling my name


	8. Chapter 8-Take Me Home

**Leo P.O.V**

I ran back to my room and locked the door to try hide myself from what I had done hoping it would somehow reverse time. I heard a knock on the door and instantly half-heartedly shouted an excuse.

“Leo it’s me” I heard Piper say. “We found Nico spaced out in the kitchen. He was muttering your name and crying then he just passed out. What happened?”

Oh gods. They were all going to find out. If I just told Piper she wouldn’t say anything. She’s my best friend its fine. I reached over to the door handle and slowly pulled it open and let her in.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened?” Piper asked me again.

“Right, I’m going to tell you something that you can’t tell anyone.”

“OK, I promise.”

“Nico and I are- were kind of a thing you could say. It’s complicated.”

“So what does that have to do with today? What did you say to him that made him so upset?

“I told him” I said my voice raw from the threat of tears, “That I didn’t love him and that it was all an act.”

“But why?”

“Because yesterday night, when I took Nico back to his room, he started kissing me. Then well one thing lead to another and we ended up sleeping together. I felt fucking awful Piper. I used him. I could have been the better person but no I just. I’d wanted it for a while but I held myself back ‘because he’s only what? 14 maybe. He’s not even legal! I’m like a fire literally. The closer people get to me, the more dangerous I am. I don’t want to hurt him. It would be better if I just- If we went back to how it was. Me just liking him from afar while he lives the life he was destined to have before I went in there and fucked everything up.” I was crying pretty hard.

Piper leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me in a warm hug to stop me from crying.

“What do you think you’re going to do? “ She mumbled quietly.

After a couple of seconds of silence I thought of my plan.

“I’m going to stay away and stay silent. I think. Piper I need your help with something.”

She raised an eyebrow in my statement.

“What do you need?”

“I need you to look after Nico. Become his friend and make sure he’s ok. I don’t want him doing anything stupid. I don’t know, maybe try to somehow explain my actions without actually telling him the real reason I mean you can make him believe anything with your charmspeak right?”

“I guess. I’ll do it” She said finally.

“Thank you so much Piper” I said with a smile on my face. “I’m lucky to have you as a friend”

* * *

 

Piper and I walked to the main room for lunch at about noon. I peered over the corner of the door to see if he was there. To my surprise, he was. I quickly stepped back to behind the door where Piper was waiting.

“Well” She said in a hushed tone.

“He’s there.”

I walked into the dining area as quietly as I could. A few heads turned to wonder who was there but soon dismissed me. With my eyes fixed on Nico I sat down across from him. Nico looked up at me and that look made me want to tell him the truth there and then. His complexion looked paler than I’d ever seen him. His eyes were bloodshot raw from crying. His hair was fairly dishevelled. His eyes looked me up and down as is he was trying to find my weak spot. The look was nothing like I had ever seen before. It was cold and dangerous and there was a quality I had never seen in his eyes before. Hatred.


	9. Chapter 9- High Hopes

**Nico P.O.V**

I stared at him until the need to blink took over. The anger bubbled in my chest. The hate burned behind my eyes, dissolving every happy or loving thought like sulphuric acid. If I had the chance, I would have killed him and it would have been easy too. A slash to the throat at night and dump the body over the edge into the water. But the others would have find out for sure. They would see me for the monster I was so certain I was. My thoughts were disturbed by a jolt running through the boat.

“What’s that?” I heard Hazel say.

“Trouble.” Percy replied taking out his sword, Riptide.

“Everybody, on deck. Now!” He shouted.

I scrambled out of my chair and ran up the stairs to reach the deck before drawing my sword. What I saw sent a jolt of fear through me already. It must have been as tall as the ship at least. It looked like the loch-ness monster but nine times bigger. There were 9 heads each with big yellow eyes, sharp teeth and a forked tongue. It was a hydra.

“Leo!” Percy called “Get ready, you’re going to be a big help.”

“Why?” Leo said

“Every time someone cuts off a head, you need to seal it off with fire. You think you can do that?”

Leo nodded frantically. The hydra hissed as if it had heard the conversation. Almost instantly everyone drew their weapons and then, we started the attack.

Leo jumped onto the edge of the boat and then onto the Hydra’s back primed to seal off the heads. Immediately a head came for me primed to attack. I delayed killing it straight off because Leo needed time to get ready. I hooped my arms around its meaty neck and swung up so I was sat on it. This was going to be a fun ride.

**Leo P.O.V**

I had to keep my eyes trained on all nine of the heads which is hard when you only have one. I heard my name being called from one direction. I looked towards the source of the noise to find Jason waving his arm frantically. I braced myself on my hands and knees and began to climb up the Hydras neck to reach its head. A few times, my hands slipped but I managed to dig my nails into the thick skin of the neck which is not the nicest experience. I gave Jason a thumbs up. Jason did a slight jump and drove his sword through the base of the head. I scuttled over and ignited my hand with a large enough flame to cover the whole stump. I heard a sizzling sound and looked down to see that I had successfully sealed off the head. One down, eight to go. This was going to be a long day.

It was hard to keep up with the constant demand for my help but it was fine after I got used to it. After sealing off the Sixth head I heard a cry of pain at my left. I swung my head round to find Nico lying of the floor of the Argo clutching his arm. I looked around panicked for some kind of help.

“Hurry!” I shouted desperately to the remaining five of us as Piper had gone to Nico’s side and was half dragging and carrying down the stairs to safety.  Percy called back to me “Get down here, we can finish him off.”

I slid down the neck of the Hydra and jumped off it back onto the deck. I ran next to Percy.

“Ready?” I muttered with my fire swirling in my hand.

“Ready”

After we fought of the Hydra I barged past Percy to run down the stairs to see Nico. Piper had laid him on the floor of the main room and had taken his jacket off him. His arm was covered with blisters and boils of all kinds. In some places, the skin had almost torn and I could see the muscle underneath.

“What happened?” I asked worried

“Acid burn from the Hydra.” She said. Piper looked up and gave me a look that told me so much. He needs me now. She turned her head and shouted “Annabeth we need that nectar. Now!”

Annabeth came running back with a bottle of nectar and a few clean rags.

“He’ll be fine if we work fast enough.” She said calmly. She moved to Nico’s right arm where the acid had hit him.

“Pour some water on that cloth.” She ordered Piper. Piper nodded and ran off the sink. Meanwhile Annabeth picked up the nectar and poured a little bit on the cloth. Piper came back with the water soaked cloth. Annabeth pressed it to Nico’s arm and he let out a cry of pain. He thrashed and tried to get up.

“Stay down!” Piper said with so much charmspeak, I felt like _I_ needed to sit down. Nico immediately stopped thrashing.

“Thank you.” She said.

Annabeth picked up the bottle of nectar and poured a small amount on Nico’s arm before taking the cloth with nectar on t and wrapping it tightly around.

“Pray to the gods this will work.” She muttered.

And for a moment, everything was silent.

“I think we should take him back to his room.” I said in a small voice.

“I’ll help you” Piper offered. Together we managed to move Nico.

“Do you think he’ll be ok?” She said.

After a moment I Replied.

“Don’t worry. I’ve got high hopes.”


	10. Chapter 10- Thunder

**Leo P.O.V**

It was hard watching him like this but I was thankful that most of the time he was passed out. Every few hours he would open his eyes slightly and regain consciousness. Then he would groan and tears would prick his eyes as the pain of his wound would also come. No-one was sure why the nectar didn’t work like it should have. Annabeth thought it was because the acid had already eaten away at the skin making the damage irreversible and therefore, harder to heal. Piper thought we should have washed the burn more to make sure all the acid was gone. So naturally, she blamed herself. She sits with me using her charmspeak to lull Nico back to a coma-like state whenever he woke up.

I would always sit by his side holding his hand, stroking my thumb over the back of his hand to reassure myself. For hours, I would watch the slow rising and falling of his chest. It was midnight when Piper had the idea.

“Hey Leo.”

“Um, yeah” I said tiredly. I couldn’t remember the last time I had had a full night of sleep.

“I have an idea. To fix Nico’s arm.” She whispered.

I lifted my head higher and leaned towards her in interest.

“What if, we aren’t thinking about it the right way? Like, we need to treat it like he is a normal person, not a demigod ‘cause it’s obvious that the nectar isn’t working. It’s making it worse.” She said. Then it hit me. Chemistry. It was simple chemistry.

“Piper it’s the acid. Acid! The nectar is acidic so it makes the acid burn worse. We need to wash out the acid. We need to wash the wound a lot like put his arm in water and then wrap it in cling film- I read that somewhere. That’s it.”

Piper paused for a second.

“That…makes sense.”

“We’ll need to wake him up. You get the bowl of water.”

Piper ran out of the room and towards the kitchen. I leaned over Nico and carefully put two hands on his shoulders. I shook gently until his eyes opened. The brown eyes stared for a small while before shutting tight. Nico was biting his lip hard trying not to scream out.

“Shh it’s ok. We know how to fix up your arm.”

I ran over to the light switch to illuminate the room. I ran back over to Nico and peeled off the bandage to uncover the wound. I had to stop myself from gagging when I saw it. It was angry red with flesh craters that had been dug into the skin by the acid. As the wound spread, the red slowly became a pink and then diffused into Nico’s usual flesh tone. I then made the mistake of looking at the bandage itself. It had absorbed most of the vivid yellow pus so much so that it made the bandage a darker colour than the pus itself.

Piper came running back into the room with the bowl of water. I quickly took the water from her and rested it on Nico’s bedside table. I then went to help Nico sit up. After a few minutes of that awkward situation, I lifted Nico’s arm and thoroughly submerged it under the water. It took a while it to start working; we could see the pain melt from his face with every passing minute. It was working and I couldn’t have been more thankful. After 10 minutes, I dried his arm and the burn looked better already. I methodically wrapped the bandage around his arm while Nico watched on silently. I placed a small kiss on his forehead and left the room hoping he would realise that he meant more to me than I had ever known.


	11. Chapter 11- Think

**Leo P.O.V**

He got better and for that, I couldn’t have been more thankful. I would sit in his room each day and read to him. I didn’t matter what I read because when I read to him, he would look at me with his eyes full of a mix of emotion with anything from wonder to hatred and the most distinguishable, love. Every now and then I would stop and look up just to see his face, soothed with contentment and nothing like the furrowed eyebrows and sweat covered brow like the days before. Every now and then, he would try to walk around but he would need help. I’d offer my shoulder for support so he could eat dinner with the rest of the crew and pretend that everything was back to normal. And today was no different. I was sat in his room once again on a chair close enough to his bed so he could hold my hand. I placed my hand strategically on my knee so that if he decided to hold it he could. I could see his hand too, outside of the covers and just placed in the quilt, palm up as if an invitation. I kept reading while the thought of his cold skin on mine at the back of my mind. Then, a small voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Leo” he said, “What time is it?”

I looked at him for a second as I always do. He sounded sick. As though his existence, his soul had left him to die. Granted, the colour had come back to his cheeks and the beat of his heart was as strong as ever but it was his voice that made him sound like he was dead.

Glancing at the clock in the room I replied,

“About 3, why?”

Nico pushed himself up and swung his legs off his bed in a strong motion.

“Because, it’s time for dinner and I’m going to join my friends.”

He began to walk to the door, meek at first but then with more confidence as he realised his strength had come back to him. He opened the door and continued down the hall while I quickly followed.

I realised it was my turn to cook when I walked in to see 6 hungry demigods waiting for me. I awkwardly smiled and proceeded to the kitchen while Nico walked to the table and took my seat. I stared at him for a second, absorbing the way he moved and the way he sat and the way he looked at me. He was wearing a red t-shirt. There was a vague print of what used to be a band but it didn’t matter now. Draped over his shoulders was a blanket, dark and woollen but keeping him warm. Then, as my gaze drifted south, I saw the sweats he was wearing. Old, grey and worn, I lent them to him because all of his jeans were dirty. I remember how he protested for a while saying that they weren’t ‘his style’ but I insisted. I ghost of a smile etched my lips as a voice snapped me out of the past.

“Leo” Piper said, waving her hand in front of my face.

I shook my head and turned back to the kitchen while she followed,

“So, need any help?” she asked over dramatically as if she were covering something up. She turned towards the counter and handed me a knife and a bag of carrots.

“So” she whispered, “How is the act working out ‘cause honestly Leo, staring at him and practically undressing him with your eyes while he is looking at _you_ isn’t exactly the way to go about it.”

I just started at the carrots in front of me. I slowly tore open the bag and began to chop. I didn’t bother to argue because I knew she was right.

“I know Pipes” I said in my automatic response. I sighed and focussed on the task ahead.

“Leo I think it’s time you told him the truth.”

“I can’t”

“Why not”

And that was just it. Why couldn’t I tell him? Or was a doomed to spend the rest of my life loving him when he had put up a wall against me.

“Because”

And then there was silence, and it was bitter and cold and ruthless. I could hear the echo of the laughter of the others while they told their jokes.

“Ok fine Leo. But can I give you some advice? The longer you beat yourself up for what you did, the longer you will hate yourself. And if you keep hating yourself for one mistake you made, the more you think you won’t be ‘worthy’ and if you keep thinking that, he will too. Then, you’ll have no chance with him. You need to heal the wounds before they fester. Scars are better than death.”

All I could do is nod. We spent the next half hour making dinner while I thought of a way I could possibly tell him the truth.


	12. Chapter 12- Lover's Eyes

**Nico P.O.V**

It took a while but I felt my strength come back to me. Leo was there every day. Each morning he would come into my room and grab the same old book he had been reading now for a few days. I would sit up and listen to every word.

“ _I've been spending a lot of time with Patrick these days.”_ Leo said in the same tone as always.  _“I really haven't said much.  I just kind of listen and nod because Patrick needs to talk.  But it isn't like it was with Mary Elizabeth.  It's different._

_It started out on the Saturday morning after the show.  I was in my bed trying to figure out why sometimes you can wake up and go back to sleep and other times you can't. Then, my mom knocked._

_"Your friend Patrick's on the phone."_

_So, I got up and wiped away the sleep._

_"Hello?"_

_"Get dressed.  I'm on my way."_

_Click.  That was it.  I actually had a lot of work to do since it was getting closer to the end of the school year, but it sounded like we might be having some kind of adventure, so I got dressed anyway.”_

Leo finished and looked up at me for a while. I was confused as to why he stopped reading and yet even more confused as to why he was looking at me in such a way. It wasn’t a look to check if I was asleep or ok it was more. It mirrored the expression I had on my face when he first told me. One of loss and longing that I wish could be true. I mean he was a good friend and a shoulder to lean on- literally. I wanted more. I wanted it to be like when it was his birthday and he interrupted my sleep just to tell me. I wanted to see the childish joy on his face once again. I wanted the stolen kisses and the I love you’s no matter how insignificant they seemed to be. I stretched and placed my arms loosely on the cover with my palms facing the ceiling with just then hope he would grab my hand and then… But he wouldn’t. I knew he wouldn’t but the look in his eyes told me otherwise. I found the voice in my throat and quietly said,

“Leo, what time is it?”

He snapped out of his trance and glanced at the clock for a second and yet looking at it for too long as if it was a distraction. “About 3, why?”

I grabbed the woollen blanket around me and pulled it over my shoulders. Swinging my legs off the bed, I began to walk to the door. It felt strange considering I had been bed- bound for ten or so hours but after a few steps, I felt alright.  

“Because” I said still walking, “It’s time for dinner and I’m going to join my friends.”

I opened the door and walked to the mess hall extremely aware of Leo’s presence behind me.

I plodded into the dining room to see the rest of the crew sat at the table. I wondered why no-one had cooked until I realised that it was Leo’s turn. He must have been too busy looking after me but I let out a small laugh and walked over to his seat while he sheepishly walked over to the kitchen. Leo glanced over his shoulder when he reached the kitchen and looked at me, the same look he had given me earlier. I pretended not to care and talked to my friends when I could feel his eyes burn through me as if he were examining, absorbing every detail of me. As though he was breathing in my very existence. I’d done this to him before and I can remember the fuzzy details of it. The drunken night and how after, when we were wrapped up in each others arm and how he slept. I didn’t sleep that night until it was late. I looked at him in the dim moonlight that managed to shine through the small crack in the curtains. I stared at him and every little detail. The slight point of his ears, the curl of his hair and how there was that one piece on his hairline that seemed longer than the others and I remember his skin, and how it seemed to glow in that small crack of  moonlight. And yet still, it seemed fuzzy. I looked back up to see Leo was gone and that Piper was gone too. I quickly pretended I was part of the conversation just to forget what I had remembered.  

“So Percy told me as always that of course he could jump over the bed and clear it. So after about five minute of ‘mental preparation’ he jumped, hit the ceiling and managed to also find a way to fall off the bed. But hey, at least I made some money out of it.” Annabeth said cheerily while she held out the two golden drachmas that she had won. When she did this, Percy sulked and nudged her. You could see the happiness on their faces and I was envious. ‘Leo and I could have been like that’ I thought bitterly. I pushed myself off the table and slid out of my chair, the five pairs of eyes watching me.

“Excuse me.” I said quietly and walked over to the kitchen, my footsteps echoing throughout the hall.

I walked into the kitchen to see Piper and Leo cutting up the vegetables quietly. I cleared my throat and said,

“Piper would you mind if I talked to Leo alone?”

Piper was taken aback for a second but regained herself.

“Of course not Nico, I’ll be in the dining room if you need me”

She put down her knife and left quietly.

“Leo, we need to talk.”


	13. Chapter 13- Somebody to you

Chapter 13- Somebody to you

Nico. P.O.V

I saw him, the panic flashed in his eyes. He knew it could be something serious. I felt my heart beating louder, faster. There was silence, just the thump of my blood in my ear trying to keep a feeble grip on my reality. It’s strange trying to hold onto something that has hurt you. But I was a fool with a foolish weakness- Him. I could feel my legs begin to shake, slightly and barely noticeable but it sent shockwaves through me like when you are about to present a project to a class or when you build yourself up to tell a lie. I could feel the blanket begin to slip of my shoulders as my hands felt numb and sweaty. I heard a slight thump on the ground and found that the blanket and fallen while the world around me seemed to drift out of focus. Leo gently crouched down and picked up the blanket, slowly, carefully as if any harsh movements would scare me away. He kept eye contact as he kneeled into the suggestive position. He stood back up and walked around me and placed the blanket in my shoulders. I gripped onto it and muttered a thanks.

“Are you okay Nico?” Leo said concerned.

I nodded and took a deep breath.

“Leo, this is going to be hard because well, I’m scared as to what you’ll say when I’m done. I don’t know what has been going on with us these past weeks but it feels different. I saw that look in your eye when you were reading to me and the look you gave me when I sat down. I know that look and I doubt that it means nothing to you because you’re not that type of guy let’s face it.”

I sighed and shook my head feeling that I was going off topic.

“Look, what I’m saying is…you know I still like you. And I know you have no interest in me and all you are doing is giving me mixed messages and I’m sick of it Leo. One minute we’re best friends, then you become cold, distant and push me away. But then, you seem to love me and then you seem to lust after me and I don’t- I don’t understand. Can I please just have a straight answer from you for once? I need to know if I mean anything to you at all. You can’t keep pretending that we’re in some weird type of relationship because we’re not and doing this is only tormenting me okay?”

My legs became like Jelly, my throat thick from holding back tears, my hands clenched into fists trying to keep my grip on reality. And that’s when heard him, meek and small.

“I have interest”

I shook my head violently knowing he was doing it again. Giving me hope of something that could never happen. Tears pricked my eyes and I turned to walk away. Leo grabbed my hand and pulled turning me towards him. He placed his hand underneath my chin and forced my eyes to meet his. 

“I have interest” He whispered.

I pulled his hand away and stepped back- tears freely flowing.

“No” I croaked, “No you don’t. You wouldn’t do that to me.”

“I’m sorry”

“You’re sorry” I sneered. “You, the great Leo fucking Valdez is sorry for what he did. Yes because of course this is something you can just be ‘sorry’ over. Do you even fucking realise what you did to me? I hated you because I was stupid enough to love you. Do you know why I got burned by that god damn Hydra? Because I was looking at you. That fucking look you gave me. I didn’t even see it and the next thing I knew I was screaming from the pain but all I saw was you. In my head, burning behind my eyelids and I hated you for it.”

I could see his world fall apart. And…I liked it. I liked seeing him in the pain I’d been in. I leaned forward and grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in close to whisper.

“Do you know what Leo? You can put those lies up your asshole because I’d rather be unloved than be blatantly lied to.”

And with that, I walked away, legs still shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a short Chapter this time guys. Tensions are building. If you want to have any of your ideas incorporated, let me know! I'll credit you for them of ya want :D


	14. Chapter 14- So Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning guys, this chapter has scenes of panic attacks and self harm so please DO NOT READ if you are triggered by this kind of stuff. Notes at the end if you don't read. Stay safe guys. Love you xx

**Chapter 14- So Cold**

**Percy P.O.V**

I heard Leo call me from the kitchen but something didn’t sound right. He sounded as though he was crying. The shout was broken and strangled. I bolted up and kissed Annabeth on the cheek before rushing to the kitchen and that’s when I saw him. His hands were gripped on the worktop, bent double as though he had been stabbed. I saw his body shaking and from his mouth came ragged breaths filled with tears. I approached him slowly like he was a wounded deer.

“Leo, are you okay?”

“He’s gone.” He sobbed. “I-I tried to make things right. I tried but-.” I heard him swallow and another audible sob followed. He began walking towards the worktop so he could stabilise his balance and then wiped his nose and kept his hand there.

“But what Leo?”

He slammed his fist on the table making the food jump. He started violently shaking his head as if trying to shake away the memories. I heard a whisper come from him.

“He didn’t fucking believe me. I love him so. Fucking. Much. And he didn’t believe me.”

His hands ignited in a fit of anger and his body began to shake again.

“Can you please get Piper to make the food? I have to…lie down. Don’t tell the others.” His voice rough and broken.

“Yeah okay.” Was all I could say before he walked away- wounded.

* * *

 

**Leo P.O.V**

I stumbled through the twisting corridors of the ship to try and fins somewhere where I could be safe. It took a while before I finally found my room and my head was spinning when I did. I stood by the doorframe and tried to think about all those months ago when he stood there and tried to make me feel a little more human. The wood of the door frame felt rough beneath my fingertips as I remembered the whisper that came from here and from him.

“ _I think that you can do, um, stuff right_ ” the voice echoed in my head.

A small smile ghosted my lips when I remembered the confusion that followed. I walked down the corridor where I had chased him. I stopped after not long and though of where I had kissed him- the first time and how a small blush blossomed on his cheeks. And I remembered the confidence I feigned. And a small smile ghosted my lips.

I remembered of the ‘date we had later that night. My feet lead to the deck. It wasn’t dark like it had been but it still excited me like it had before. I found the edge of the ship and gripped on. I leaned over feeling the wind in my hair and the pricks of cold on my cheeks and eyes where tears had fell. And I remembered how handsome he looked and I could feel a ghost of a smile turn into a frown as he told me his secret and I retreated back to my room.

I remember running as if I were being chased. My lungs burned for air and my breath stung my throat. The tears pricked my eyes again but I kept running. I finally reached my room and with that I locked the door. I turned and my body collapsed against the wood. The tears came fast and heavy. The elephant on my chest weighed down more than ever and I couldn’t breathe. Every damn breath was loud and deep and quick making my head feel fuzzy. I wanted to find a dark corner and lock myself away for forever. And then I remembered him. And the rare times I would catch his smile. And the glow of his skin in the moonlight. And the way he held me and the way he slept and his voice and his hair and his eyes. His eyes. I crawled across the floor and found my way to my work table. I reached and grabbed for something- anything that would leave marks on my skin. I found a Stanley knife. My fingers shook as I raised the blade and dragged it across my arm.

“Just one more” I whispered- desperate to hang onto reality, to feel something.

But it wasn’t one more, And I kept going until I couldn’t think about him anymore,  until I couldn’t hear my mother’s screams in the fire I started and until I had forgotten what it was like not to bleed.

And I remember the last mark I made that night before I fell asleep.

It was his name, on my chest, above my heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Leo has a panic attack and wanders around the ship trying to calm himself down while thinking about all the stuff he did with Nico. He then goes back to his room and has a breakdown before self harming to get a grip on reality. He write Nico on his chest and then falls asleep. :)


	15. Chapter 15- Thinking Out Loud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again guys, there are heavy mentions of self harm so if you are triggered by this stuff, please don't read.

Chapter 15- Thinking out loud.

Nico P.O.V

I saw him every day- at breakfast, at lunch, at dinner and when we would occasionally cross paths when we had to take turns in shifts. I know I said that I hated him and yet, there were still feelings about him there. So deep seated that not even the gods themselves could shift them. When I told him he could put those lies up his asshole and then ran away, I ran to my room and I cried. I cried until I forgot what it was like not to cry. I regretted what I had said but I knew that Leo being Leo wouldn’t want to hear what I had to say. To be honest, neither would I. I didn’t know what I was saying, and I didn’t know why I had said it either. Everyone has moments when you say something even though it’s not true, you say it just to say something. Just to get a reaction from the other person so you know how much they care when they shout something equally as untrue back.

It was a Saturday morning and it was raining. I don’t know why I felt a need to mention that but it felt important. It was my turn to watch- well it was Hazel’s turn but I offered because I didn’t want her to catch a cold in the rain and I liked rain. I plodded outside and I saw him. He was just sat on the deck- soaked to the skin. I walked up to him as silently as I could but it’s hard when the soles of your shoes splash the water with each step. I walked up to him and crouched down.

“Leo,” I said, “What in the name of Hades are you doing? You’ll catch your death out here, it’s freezing.”

He turned his head and stared at me for a while. It had been a month since I’d spoken to him. I was afraid that if I spoke to him, we would reject me or shout or say all those things so that I knew he cared.

“Well, if you’re not going to answer, I have no choice.” I said almost playfully, trying to lighten the tone. I sat on the deck and felt the rainwater soak through my jeans and then my underwear- not the best feeling. He didn’t react to me until I took off my aviator jacket and placed it over his sodden fabric jumper. His arms stretched out of the jacket and held it close for warmth.

 “Thanks” he said quietly. The rain had begun to beat harder now and I began to shiver slightly but as long as Leo had protection other than his sodden jumper, then I didn’t mind. He had been wearing jumpers a lot which was surprising because he usually walked around with his arms bare because it was easier to wash grease off of arms instead of fabric. I leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his cheek before standing up. I offered my hand out and he grabbed it and helped himself up. When he was on his feet, I began to realise just how close out faces were. I could have leaned in and kissed him. I could have said something so that we would fall in love all over again.

“No problem” was all I said before I began to slowly walk to the helm.

I heard a soft voice behind me.

“To feel something, to feel human.” was all he said. Leo threw the jacket back at me and disappeared below deck with a faint squelching sound behind him.

It had finally stopped raining when I finished another extremely uneventful shift. I was doing my rounds of the corridors, I passed Leo’s room like always and I peeked in to see what he was doing. And that’s when I saw him.

His jumper was abandoned on the floor and he was hunched over a desk. He sounded like he was crying but I couldn’t tell. The only thing that was clear was the blood stained rag next to him. I stood there silently for a few minutes where he would pick up the rag and place it slowly back in the same spot but stained with more red than the time before. Before I could begin to fathom what he was doing, my feet lead me to his side. I was apparently silent as his head didn’t turn until I arrived next to him and slowly lifted the blade out of his hand and just stood there, speechless. Leo didn’t dare look at me. I knelt down and looked into his eyes trying to hold back tears of my own.

“Why?” was the only word I could choke out.

He looked up at me with eyes that had lost all hope

“I told you. To feel something. To feel human.”

I took him in my arms and he gripped onto my shoulders and cried until the only sound in the room was our heartbeats.

 


	16. Chapter 16- Everything Has Changed

Chapter 16- Everything has changed

Nico P.O.V

Leo had almost begged me to stay with him that night although I would have said yes anyway. It was late when we both finally crawled into his bed and I soon drifted off into a deep sleep. When I woke, Leo was no-where to be seen and I felt the panic rise up my chest until I heard the water of a shower. Everyone on the Argo II had their own showers. The ship collected water when we were in the sea and purified it for all our water needs. I reclined back onto his pillow and enjoyed the bliss of the calm that I felt. It had been a while since I felt that I could actually breathe again. I heard the shower turn off and I waited patiently for Leo to emerge. After what felt like years, he opened the door and walked out shaking his head to get the wet hair out of his eyes. Normally, his hair was fairly curly and didn’t look very long, as if it clung to his head. However, his hair was longer than I had thought. It was still curled but not as tightly as before, it kind of looked like mine when I was caught in the rain. The only thing that caught me off guard was that we has fully clothed and not wearing the jumper that he had been wearing for weeks now.

“Hey.” He said

“Hey.” I said back

There was a moment of silence before he seemed to find his voice.

“I better get to work.” He seemed to announce but there was no grand gesture. “No-one else is going to look after all my hard work.”

“There are 6 other damned people Leo. Please can you just stay here, you need a break anyway. When was the last time you had a day just by yourself or with- a friend?”

He looked at me and sighed the way he did when he knew I was right. Leo made his way over to the bed and sat down slowly. I sat up and wrapped my arms around his middle before resting my head on his shoulder.

“See” I said soothingly, “It’s nice to relax.” When I gave him a small kiss on the cheek, he sighed again.

“Yeah, I guess”

I wanted to know what was going on in there. I wanted to know why his voice seemed to have no hope. I’d been there. I remember what it was like when it seemed like the world was black and white and the only thing that mattered was the grey of the sky and your shoes and getting out of bed seemed impossible because no matter where you went, it was the same black, whites and greys. But then fell in love and I realised what he was to me when I nearly lost him. You take the people you love for granted until you lose them, He was a rainbow in the black and white. He was the sunrise and the sunset and the red of the fabric of my Converse. He was the breeze and the snow and the sun to me. He became the reason that I had begun to feel. He was the reason I could feel the cold and the wet and the heat. He was my reason for being human again and now I needed to be his.

“Hey Leo, do you want to play a game?” I said hopeful he would say yes. I had an idea that would bring colour back to his world. He turned his head slightly and nodded.

“Right, good.” I pulled his arm so that he was facing me cross-legged.

“It’s called questions. Basically, you ask the other person a question and it starts off easy but then gets harder and philosophical as it goes on. Yes and No questions are forbidden. Okay? “

Once again, he nodded and I asked the first question.


	17. Chapter 17- Bonfire Heart

Leo P.O.V

It took me a while to think about an actual question that wasn’t “What’s your favourite colour?” or “What is your star sign?” because even I found those boring. It must have been at least a minute before I cautiously said,

“Okay Nico, What’s Mythomagic?”

He looked taken aback for a second as if he had just woken up. I heard from Percy that he used to play it when he was a kid but it was hard to imagine what he must have looked like with healthy skin and a fresh face. Even now, he rarely laughs, but when he does, it’s a symphony.

“Well,” He begun, slowly and carefully, “Mythomagic is like a trading card game but you could get figurines as well. It focussed around Greek Mythology and the gods and when I was a kid I loved it.” He stopped for a second and looked at me but then continued.

“When Bianca went on the quest, I only needed one more figurine. Just one more figurine” And he trailed off.

“Nico, are you okay? Oh! I know what will make you feel better. Okay, what did the big chimney say to the little chimney?”

Nico shrugged his shoulders while I tried not to laugh. I put on a serious face and said in a monotonous voice.

“Nothing. Chimneys can’t talk.” And with that I burst out into laughter. I looked at Nico and he didn’t seem to understand. But, his head was tilted to one side-a little like a curious dog. After my fits of laughter had subsided, I asked him what was the matter.

“Why do you do that?” He replied

“Why do I do what?”

“The jokes, the humour, why do you do it? How can you be miserable one minute and then be laughing at your own joke the next?”

What he said had shocked me a little, I had to admit.

“I don’t know. The thing is about me Nico is that I don’t have much else going for me other than the mechanic. If I’m the ‘funny guy’ then, I’m somebody. I’d rather tell jokes and force out a smile than be nobody because if I’m nobody, then no-one will care.” And that was the only time that I’d ever said that to anyone.

Nico leaned in and whispered softly,

“I will always care.”

It was pretty hard to hold back the tears by now and the words kept pouring out. All the things I had wanted to say for so long but never had the guts.

“It’s just that, after Mom died, I had always been unwanted. Running from one place to another with just the hope that I’d find a place where I would be wanted. I spent a lot of time on the streets before they found me again. But when I tell my jokes, it’s like I forget all of that shit and everything would just be normal.”

I felt more words bubble in my throat but I didn’t say any more but four more words seemed to slip out.

“Do you love me?” I whispered, hopefully not loud enough for Nico to hear.

“Of course I do. You could drag me through Tartarus again and I’d still be by your side. I don’t care what you go through, as long as you let me go with you on the journey.” And with that he playfully punched me on the arm. I grabbed his arm and pushed him off the bed and laughed. The first genuine laugh, not caused by a joke I had told. I looked down and Nico was smiling up at me- a smile of love and joy.

Nico leaped onto the bed and pinned me down as if in a fight. I let out a light laugh before realising just how close his face was to mine. All I could hear was my heartbeat pounding in my ears. His chest was against mine as though our hearts had shifted to be near to the other. For a second we laid there, our breaths mixing together. I closed the distance and kissed him. Hs grip loosed on my hands and slowly, they made their way to my hair while I slowly traced mine up his shirt. It wasn’t before long until our clothes were abandoned on the floor recklessly and we let ourselves fall in love all over again.


	18. Chapter 18- Give Me Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter, It's been fun :)

Nico P.O.V

I woke up to the sound of Leo showering as he does every morning. I leaned over and lazily checked the alarm clock on Leo’s bed stand. It read ten ‘o’ Clock.

“Shit” I whispered as I hurried to wrap a blanket over my shoulders. I plodded over to the door of the bathroom and banged as loudly as I could to get Leo’s attention.

“Leo, it’s Ten. Hurry up I want breakfast and people will be getting suspicious.”

His response seemed to be automatic.

“Keep your pants on princess. Oh wait, I bet your butt naked and wrapped in a sheet so if you don’t mind can I have a god dammed shower without my wife interrupting me.”

“I’m not your-“

“Yeah ya are, now get dressed if you want to go”.

And with that, the water of the shower turned off. I rushed around the room looking for my jeans and shirt. I found them in a pile towards the end of the bed with my aviator jacket somehow ending up towards the door. When I picked up my shirt, there were small singe marks at the hem. I smiled slightly at the memory before shouting towards the bathroom again.

“Leo, you burned the shirt for fuck sake.”

Leo opened the door already dressed and leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed.

“Are you shitting me? Nico, you have like six shirts that look exactly the same. Anyway, no-one will notice. Now calm down okay?”

Leo walked over to me and wrapped arms around my stomach like he always did He rested his head on my shoulder and kissed my cheek.

“You know you’re really loud right” he whispered as if reminiscing

I shrugged his arms off me and moved to pick up my jeans.

“Oh piss off and help me find my jeans and preferably lend me some underwear”

“All right princess.” He said with a chuckle while I tried to suppress a smile.

We walked into the dining room together laughing and joking about the night before. It felt like we were old friends who had found each other again. Last night seemed almost surreal but everything about him told me otherwise. It seemed like the first time in weeks that we had both been completely happy.

We found seats next to each other at the large dining table and sat for a while enjoying the peace. The late morning light seemed to bounce off the wooden floor of the ship filling the room with a warm glow that almost felt like home. My hand found Leo’s under the table and for a moment, life almost seemed to be perfect. Piper seemed to be staring at us until I saw her eyes widen in realisation and she turned towards Jason. She seemed to whisper something in his ear. He too then seemed to look at me strangely. Piper stood up and almost ran towards where Leo and I were sitting.

“So, what’s up guys?” She said with mischief thick in her voice.

“Um nothing really, just chilling.” Leo said calmly while I pulled my hand away from his

“Oh really. Because I bet everything that I own that you-“She said pointing at Nico, “Fucked someone last night because that is the biggest smile I have ever seen on your face.”

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks and I looked away. She then turned to Leo.

“And I also bet that you fucked someone last night too.”

And for a moment, there was silence. I knew everyone had heard because all the eyes in the room were facing us. I turned to see Hazel fanning herself furiously at Piper’s profound language and at the statement she had made. Suddenly, a voice broke through the silence.

“What so, who fucked Leo and who fucked Nico.”

Everyone turned to Percy, He was stood in the doorway of the kitchen holding a spatula with a confused look on his face. Annabeth appeared at the door and looked at him as if she seemed to know that he wouldn’t understand. She then gave Piper a look that said “Give him a minute.” Before disappearing back into the kitchen. There was what seemed like forever of silence before Percy shouted loudly

“Leo and Nico fucked each other!”

And that was when the chaos broke out. A million question about what was going on and what we were to each other. I seemed to faze myself out of it all while I watched Leo get interrogated my Hazel and I laughed because everything seemed perfect until the Hydra attacked from nowhere.

And then, Life wasn’t so perfect anymore.

 


	19. Chapter 19- Nothing Left To Say

Chapter 19- Nothing Left To Say

**80 years later**

Nico sat down in his armchair, his bones aching more than the day before. With the strength he could gather, he leaned to look at the clock on the table beside his armchair. It would be another hour until his Carer, Marie, would arrive. Nico remembered she was slender with light brown hair that would always be swept back into a ponytail. She was sweet to Nico, always willing to listen to his rambling about the Argo and his life although she was too rational to never believe a word of it because of course the Greek Gods still didn’t exist.

Nico sighed and he breathe held in the air. He knew his time was close, he could feel it in his bones. There was only one thing that he hadn’t hold Marie as he knew that he would get upset if he ever did tell her and of course, he didn’t want her to be uncomfortable with his now fragile feelings. He opened up the drawer of the table next to his armchair to fins a piece of paper, a pen and an envelope that he had put there a while back for this moment.

He picked up the paper and the Pen and began what would be his final words to the world.

_Marie,_

_My name is Nico Di Angelo and I am a Son of Hades. Whether you choose to believe this, I your choice but everything I tell you after is the truth and I swear on my heart that I would never lie to you. When I was four-teen years old, I was rescued from giants by a group of seven demigods, including a boy I will mention in great detail. The first was a boy named Percy Jackson. I knew him since I was ten and even when I had no-one in the world, I kept him close- my first true friend. The next was his girlfriend and what I believe to now be his wife, Annabeth. She like you was kind and loving towards me and was a motherly figure when I was hurt and she will forever mean much to me. Then, there was Jason. I did not know much about him but he knew much about me. The first to help me and the first one I trusted after Percy. His girlfriend at the time was Piper. She was funny and charismatic and I trusted her too and I forever wish them a lifetime of happiness. Then, my half-sister Hazel. Even in the days that I could not remember my own name, I could remember hers. She accepted my isolation more than anyone else and she was always there. Her now husband Frank treated me with respect and in turn, I gave him my blessing to take care of hazel. Now there is one demigod I have ceased to mention for special reason. His name was Leo Valdez. He was the first on the ship to truly touch my heart. We began dating shortly after I met him. He was special._

Nico paused for a second to recover for a minute but returned to his letter as he knew Marie would arrive soon.

_He was the first I had loved when I knew what love was. He was snatched from me by the cruel hands of fate during a hydra attack on the Argo. I remember the way he held my hand and then, his warmth was gone and he was in the air, his head in a hydras mouth and that was the last I saw of him. I screamed and cried and cursed the gods for days until I realise there was nothing I could do but accept the fate I had been given. And so I waited, waited until I was old enough so that the fates would snatch me away too._

_This is all I have to tell you. Thank you for reading._

_Nico_

Nico reclined back in his armchair and folded up the letter ready for Marie. He sent a silent prayer to his father in that minute of peace. He prayed for death to take him soon and swiftly. And so he felt his breath leaving him and his eyes growing heavy. And in that moment, he whispered,

“I’m coming for you Leo.”

And with that, Nico fell asleep and into a sleep from which he would never wake.

 

* * *

 

Nico opened his eyes to a harsh white that never seemed to cease. He felt shorter for some reason but he was also stronger as if each cell was pulsing with a new found life. Nico looked down to find that he was wearing the exact same clothes he had worn the day that Leo died. The small singes at the hem were still there as a reminder of what he had.

“Hello?” Nico called, his voice seemed to bounce off the endless abyss of nothing where he seemed to be.

“Hi Princess.” A familiar voice called back, “You took your time.”

Nico’s eyes filled with tears when the boy he had last seen a lifetime ago appeared in front of him. He was dressed in his usual attire complete with his grease stained hands and a dirty rag hanging from his pocket.

“Now, don’t get all teary with me di Angelo” Leo warned but then his face softened and he opened his arms, “Come here.”

Nico gladly ran into Leo’s arms and he buried his nose into the fabric of his shirt. He could smell the grease and the Argo and the sheets of Leo’s bed as if he were there. He could hear Percy’s laughter and feel the warmth of Piper’s smile and everything that made the Argo a home. He could feel the life that radiated off Leo’s skin and soon, tears began to fall off Nico’s cheeks.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” Nico whispered. “I miss you so much you ass basket. You had to go saving my life didn’t you? Gods, I don’t think I’ve ever missed the smell of crappy shampoo this much”.

Leo placed his hand on the back of Nico’s head and stroked his hair softly to calm him.

“Well, I’m here now. I waited for you and I’ve been watching over you Nico and I’m happy that you lived your life. You didn’t take the easy way out.” Leo looked up and wiped the tear off of Nico’s cheek.

“I’m proud of you.” And he placed a kiss on Nico’s forehead.

“Thanks.”

There was silence for a minute until Nico said

“We made such a mess back there.” And a laugh came of both of them

“Maybe Hazel will tell her kids about us and the mess we made.”

Nico looked into Leo’s eyes and it felt like everything was perfect.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Leo was good at fixing things and well, that was his life. He knew that he couldn’t fix everything in the world but he could try. Nico seemed to be unfixable. But let’s just say that the mechanic liked a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Thats it. It's been fun guys. Goodbye.  
> If you want to follow me on tumblr, my url is I-want-to-go-down-singing.
> 
> UPDATE: A group on Youtube called Camp Awesome have done an adaptation of this fanfiction and i think you should check it out seriously that shit is awesome XD


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